April 10, 2012
Dear (Name everyone calls him/her behind their back,)
Yes, that is your office nickname. You probably would have seen it on memos, emails and giant bar graphs if you ever did any actual work instead of staying in your office all day playing Angry Birds. Of course I know about that. Good job on the new high score, by the way. I see now why your salary is three figures higher than mine.
Obviously I'm resigning and clearly I have another job lined up. If I didn't this letter would go something like, "Thank you so much for all the opportunities you afforded me." I don't have to do that. Because at my new job I have my own office, full dental and quite possibly a mini-fridge full of Klondike bars. I don't really care. All that matters is that I will not be returning to this place where I do the job of three people while still catering to your every whim.
People say "don't burn bridges" when you quit a job, but since I will never ask you for a recommendation, consider this bridge up in flames. I may even erase my time spent here from my memory the moment I set foot out the door.
I just needed you to know, before I left, how much this job meant to me. I'll let you figure out exactly how much that was.